Already got asked if we're dating
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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