My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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