I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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