im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
