He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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