Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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