Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
