shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
