I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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