Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
