Pants 0. Shit 1.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
