I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
