I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
