Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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