are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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