Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
