This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
