how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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