turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
