She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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