Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
