12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
