i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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