he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
