pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
