Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
