you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
