I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
