Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
