How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
