Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
