He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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