I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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