Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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