Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
