Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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