I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
