Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
