..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
