saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
