so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
