Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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