Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
