we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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