I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
