im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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