I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
