Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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