when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
