I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
